You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
