I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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