I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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