wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
