shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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