Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
