so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
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i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
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I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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