I think my vagina is haunted
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
