The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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