me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
