Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
