3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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