So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
