You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
