Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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