she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
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I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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