He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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