If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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