Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
