Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
