My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize