I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Two words: nipple clamps
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