He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
