is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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