dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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