I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
