Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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