I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
