Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I think my fart just growled at me.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
