OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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