Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
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