nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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