duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
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We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
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Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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