You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
