he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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