One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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