My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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