M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
