Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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