How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
