Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
