Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I need moral support for this bender
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
