he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
