If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
