How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
