Whod you bang
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
