and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
