We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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