I'm eating all of the evidence.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
