I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
