last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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