were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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