Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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