i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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