okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
