Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
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I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.