oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.