dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
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Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
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The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.