he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/