I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
