and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
