I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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