Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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