I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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