Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize