i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
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I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
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I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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