Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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