you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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