I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
