You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
