ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
