dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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