Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
