so that wasnt chicken after all
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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