I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
