Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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