i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
