I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
3pm strippers are depressing
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
